Feeling follow behavior

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I am used to him, I don’t see myself starting a new relationship, that is some of the excuses I have heard from my friends who stayed in abusive relationship for the sake of having someone.  It did not matter that they were constantly buying make up to conceal their scars or doing things out of their character just for the sake of continuing with what they are used to.

In most cases the head tells us when we are accepting something that is not right for our wellbeing but the heart will tell you otherwise.  The heart will try to convince us that the situation is temporarily, everything will get back to normal and you will soon re-live your fairytale life.

It is better to practice a little than to talk a lot

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I can do it better than her, that statement is very familiar to a lot of people who like to criticize other people’s effort but fail dismally when they are faced with a similar challenge.  We are all humans with strength and weaknesses, and we need to constantly work towards overcoming our weaknesses and build upon our strength.

One will find such criticism amongst mothers who are raising kids or women who do not have kids yet but feel it’s their duty to criticize how other mother women raise their kids.  One will hear comments such as, my child will never to that or I will raise my kids better than her, forgetting that every parent raises their kids the best way they see best.

Raising a child is not an easy task and no one is perfect, parents need to stop criticizing but rather learn from each other how best to raise children of the 21^st Century.  Times have revolved and things are not done the same way they were done in the past centuries, we all need to practice this role called parenthood and stop criticizing other people’s parent skills.

A Mother in pain

Sunday the 13^th of May 2012 was a glorious day for many mothers who were rejoicing ,celebrating Mothers day with their families, many were being pampered many were remembering what it was like to have a mother.  But for a family friend, the day was one of the worse days no mother wish she could experience, receiving news that your two year old toddler was no more, your bundle of joy had succumbed to the Angel of death, that she had passed on to the unknown world and you will never see her smile again.

While most people were celebrating this day, this particular mother was crying for her child that had passed on to join other fellow angels in heaven watching over us.  This friend of mine was battling to understand what happened to her lovely daughter and she was praying out loud asking the Almighty to reveal  to her how the passing of her only child fits into his plans for her. 

I am amongst the many who are asking how can this happen, how does it fit to her life’s path.  Yes I am a believer but at the same time I am human and I am allowed to seek answers to the things that are occurring in our lives.  The pain of that mother is so immense, nothing we say or do mean anything to her right now.  Losing a child is the most painful thing that could happen to anyone.  My hope is for God to quickly reveal his plans to her so that she can be able to let go and move on with her life. #smed12

The message that saved my soul

                           

Two years ago when I thought the world had crumbled in on me, a friend sent me an uplifting message that showed me that I am not alone, there is a person out there that is thinking and praying for my recovery, that friend saved me from myself.  The message was amongst the many messages that idled unread in my inbox because I had no energy to read and respond to them. 

The message read as follow;  Dear friend, with all that you are going through please bare in mind that I and many of your true friend are thinking and praying for you to come out of this turmoil stronger and wiser.  When you feel like giving up and you feel like your life is falling into pierces, call me or better yet call on the one that will never disappoint nor desert us, the Lord our savior he promised that he will never forsake us and he keeps his promises. Yes I repeat, call me or text me, I may not be able to put the pieces back together but I will stand beside you, I don’t promise that I will undo all the bad things that have occurred in your life, but I will be there to lend a shoulder to cry on and help you stand on your feet.  Dear friend you are not alone, you are surrounded by people that love and value your existence, life is too short to live with regrets and worries so instead of holding it let it out so that it does not further do damage to your heart and soul.  Don’t be afraid to tell me how you feel, I am here to support you and I will not stop up until you can stand on your two feet again.  My dearest friend, always remember that the will of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you.

This long message was one of the reason I can stand on my two feet, it motivated to grief for what I have lost knowing fully there are people who understand my pain and suffering, it maybe realize that its okay to go through what I am going through and that when all is lost, there are people who are here to push me towards my recovery.  I am a happy person again because of the support I have received from people who love and care for me, people who understand the pain that comes with losing someone one, I am now able to smile and embrace the beauty of the world. #smed12

How do you explain homosexuality to a 8 year old?

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A very unexpected question from my granddaughter made me realize times have changed and how we need to keep up with them in order to remain relevant and avoid such embarrassments when one cannot answer.

My granddaughter asked me for clarity around men who kiss each other following a sitcom they watched and they saw two men embracing each other.  She asked me if it was proper for men to kiss each other and whether I accept it.  I was struck back by this question and I battled to answer it because I had never anticipated that my granddaughter will one day ask my position on homosexuality.  I sat back and answered the question as best I could at that time.  I said, yes my child some men do kiss each other and the law allows them to do that.  I went on to explain to her that it’s their right to do so and we cannot infringe on their rights because those rights are enshrined in our progressive constitution and its one of those rights many people fought and died for. 

I felt my position on the issue was irrelevant, whether its right or wrong she should determine that herself, gone are those days when one will instill their own set of believes on their children.  Children of today are exposed to so many things, good and bad and my role is to guide them to the direction I feel its right but at the end they must make their own choices. #smed12

What is the role of our churches in today's society?

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This question has lingered in my son’s head for a long time and he battles to understand the role of the many churches we have in this country.  Two weeks ago my son visited a church with his friend and came back traumatized at the value put in money, how people should give to the church and what will happen to them when they open their wallets.

My son came back asking with so many social ills in our country, what are churches doing to combat these ill, why are they not going out of their comfort zone to preach to the sinners the word of God.  With a concern expression he told me that there is no point in preaching the word of God to those that have been reformed, the message is needed by the outside world where these cruel acts are occurring.

I took a moment to think of what my son had told me, in some way I concurred with his sentiments. There is a lot our churches can do to revive morals in our societies and its high time religious people move out of their air-conditioned buildings and preached the word of God to those that need it the most.#smed12

Wedding cake in the middle of the road

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He said he loved me, he said he will never hurt me and he said he will move heaven and earth to make sure that I never shed a tear.  Little did I know my Prince charming was living a double life, the man of my dreams was actually married to another lady and they had three children together. The day that was supposed to be the happiest day of my life turned sour, the dream I had of walking down the aile to marry the father of my child, turned out to be the worse nightmare I have ever had. 

The day started on a very high note, laughter and joy everywhere but all that soon turned into tears when a woman same age as me walked in to announce that the man I was about to marry was married to her and they have three children together.  At first I thought it was all a joke but soon I noticed that no one was laughing, my mother was actually crying and mumbling something I could not hear.  The shock of hearing these news made me numb, I could not move, I could not speak and I could not shed a tear.  For days there was just a painful lump in my throat, the pain was so immersed I felt like literally taking out my heart and blow some air on it so that the hurt can vanish.

To make matters worse, the snake came to my house with his family members to apologize to me and my family stating that they still wanted to continue with the wedding.  To my astonishment, the elders justified the lies of their son saying it’s normal and acceptable for a man to have more than one family, culture permitted for such things.  I was physically and emotionally drained, I could not believe what I had just heard, without saying a word to him and his delegates, I stood up, took the cake and placed it in the middle of the road.  Fortunately I still had the spare keys of his car, I got in the car, drove off and smashed the cake into peaces.  I then went back in the house and asked them to leave and never return.  #smed12

It's a poor idea to lie to yourself

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Move on, move on,  this is not an ideal life for you or anyone for that matter, those were the words uttered to my friend over and over again but she was adamant that the man of her dreams, her husband of many years will change to be the fairytale husband she longed for.  To her surprise the man never changed, the treatment got worse , the man cheated and abused her repeatedly

The abuse got so worse my friend landed in a mental hospital diagnosed with extreme depression after the soon to be ex-husband handed her with divorce papers and she stayed there for three months.  To top it all the man of her dreams did not visit her at all but she never lost hope that he will eventually find his senses and he will come back to her one day and apologize for all that he has put her through.  My beautiful loving friend never gave up on her Prince Charming, she truly believed he loved her and that love will never just go away.

A lady so beautiful and intelligent had a weakness, he loved this man so much and refused to believe that the love they once shared was over, the man did not lover her anymore he had moved on.  My friend was hopelessly in love with the shadow of this man, she prayed for him to come back to her and we as her friend prayed that God should open her eyes so that she could stop lying to herself.  It was our last hope to get her to open her eyes and win our friend back.#smed12

Ibuyile Indodana (The young man has returned)



It feels like yesterday when I held my bundle of joy in my arms, on the 13^th of January 1993 the Lord had finally blessed me with the son I had longed and prayed for.  I made a silence prayer and thanked the Lord for this gift and further prayed for his guidance in raising this innocent fellow.  In my prayers I did not forget to thank my ancestors who in my belief played a crucial role in making sure that my wishes are fulfilled and I also called upon them to continue to guide me in my journey.

 Years went by and my son like many other Xhosa boys needed to go through the initiation process where he is taught the values of being a man and how he should uphold the clan name and live a dignified life.  I as a woman have no clue of what happens there but I know its no child’s play.  Tomorrow my son will return from the initiation school, a celebrations ceremony will take place and my son is going to be welcomed into manhood and given a status of being one of the men in the household. However, the young man has a long way to go in order to gain the wisdom that is needed to maintain the status, he has to be willing to learn from those before him .#smed12

Not all who wonder are lost

Deep in her thoughts she would sit there for hours dreaming of the world she would like to see herself in.  I noticed this tendency from my daughter when she was fifteen years old, I would be amazed at how she would sit in her room, eyes shut dreaming of the world many in our household though was an unattainable world.

When asked about the things she dreams of, she will tell you in detail of what she was dreaming about, where she wants to be and how she will attain those dreams.  Hearing her articulating her future plans and how she will attain them made me realize that this is not just a dream, it’s a life plan.  The only thing that was left for me to do was to support and motivate her to reach for her dreams.

Today I am proud to announce that my dreamer has attained most of her dreams, she has worked hard to be where she is and she has not stopped to wonder in her dreams.  My daughter is a Piscean  will tell you when all fails, I close my eyes and dream of where I want to be and I don’t just dream of it, I make sure that, that dream become a reality.#smed12

The sound of one hand clapping

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It is a wonderful feeling to hear ones hands clapping to acknowledge the success in ones life and also the struggles that one has overcome to get to where thy are today.  Life is a journey filled with obstacles that test ones endurance, some of us succumb to the pressure and some of us hang on for dear life determined to overcome the shortcomings.

I can write a book on the obstacles that I have overcome in my life and it feels good to be able to say I have ovecomed all of them and believe me the scars in my heart have made me stronger and wiser.  It feels great to hear the sound on my hands when I proudly clap for myself,  with a wide smile I can proudly state I have survived the hardships and sorrows, God will shower me with more blessings and the obstacles that are yet to come will make me more stronger and wiser.#smed12

Teenage Pregnancy in the 21st Century

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Walking through the corridors of the Mowbry Maternity Hospital and seeing more than ten teenagers who are soon going to be mothers  and believe me there are far from being young adults leaves me wondering what is the future, where are we going and who will remain behind to clean up the mess.  Pregnancy amongst young girls is getting out of hand, young girls as young as thirteen years fall pregnant disregarding all the efforts made to make sure that they prosper and contribute in the eradication of poverty in our country.

Listening to the girls conversation and the way they carry themselves made me conclude that they are comfortable with the situation, their future does not take first priority and that they have not done anything that is not done by other girls across the country.  I know my conclusion might be incorrect and not factual buts its a conclusion that I have come to when I observe and hear that some of these girls its not their first pregnancy and they don’t seem to regret what they have done to themselves.

Government and Non-Profit organizations have tried many times to sensitize young girls of the dangers and shortcomings of early pregnancy, but these efforts have fallen on deaf ears.  Statistics shows an increase in the number of teenage pregnancy regardless of the fact that contraceptive and life skills are available to them.  Should this behavior continue, the future of this country is doomed because most of these girls do not return to school which makes it difficult for them to be employable and they become a liability of the government.#smed12